by Antonina Zielinska
ough Doreen Lesane had to do some major reconstruction to her busy schedule in order to come down from the Bronx to Brooklyn last Sunday afternoon, she said she simply had to attend the remembrance service for murder victims held at the Convent of Mercy in Fort Greene.
“I came here to honor my dear friend Diane Spain, my children’s godmother,” she said. “Being here is a tribute to her, to say: ‘I haven’t forgotten about you, Diane.’”
Lesane and Spain suffered domestic violence at the same time. Lesane was able to escape the situation and heal. She now works to help others who are struggling with the same situation.
“With all that I’ve done in the past four or five years, I need to stop for Diane,” she said.
Spain escaped her ordeal in an entirely different manner.
“She was killed by her husband,” Lesane said, and after a pause added “allegedly.”
“When she was beaten to death, her mother had her cremated,” Lesane explained. “That was 20 years ago. Now 20 years later, this is a proper way of honoring her so she’s not forgotten – a proper memorial.”
The Cherish Life Circle of The Sisters of Mercy collaborated with Safe Horizon, the largest organization helping victims of crime and abuse in the U.S., to organize the 16th annual Remembrance Service for Families and Friends of Murder Victims. The event was open to all and not specifically geared toward Catholics.
“The Cherish Life Circle is a support of life in all its stages,” said Sister Camille D’Arienzo, R.S.M. “We believe that God gives everyone one gift of life, which is a gift of time, and no one has the right to take it, not an individual, not the state – nobody.”
The group organizes various activities from protesting the death penalty and comforting inmates to supporting families who have to deal with the fact that their loved one was murdered.
Joe Towle, a member of the Cherish Life Circle, said he worked with Sister Camille for about 10 years. He now corresponds with inmates who have been convicted of murder.
“Today is an opportunity for meeting parents and family members of people who have been murdered and share in their sorrow,” he said. “It gives me an opportunity to be on both sides of the pain.”
The event was divided into three parts: a social, a group session and a prayer service.
During the group session, people expressed different emotions, signifying different levels of healing. One lady expressed her sorrow that while her son was dead, the person who murdered him was still alive.
Theresa Strachon, whose son was murdered 21 years ago, said she feels compassion for the person who took her son’s life and continues to serve his sentence in prison.
“You wonder how someone like that could ever be happy,” she said. “Their mind is just not in the right place.”
Vita Ebrahim, who has been coming to the service for 16 years to honor the memory of her son, Paul Toppin, expressed her compassion for the mother who has to deal with the fact that her son is a murderer. She said that role must be much harder than her own.
When another woman took her turn to speak, she said she was grateful to God. When Daisy Delgado’s husband was murdered, she said it was God who supported her. In this way, she grew closer to God.
“My pain is going to be with me until I die,” she said. “So, I’ve been learning to live with the pain and with God.”
When those gathered in the convent had a chance to speak, Sister Camille reassured them that healing is a process and that it was OK if they are still hurting.
“Remembrance is a form of healing,” said Father Michael Perry, pastor of Our Lady of Refuge, Flatbush.
After the discussion, the group moved into the chapel.
During the prayer service, the name of each victim was called. In response, a loved one of each victim came to the altar and received a flower. Father Perry stood in for the mother and her four children who were murdered in Sunset Park the night before.
