DYKER HEIGHTS — MaryAnn Maginnis said she must wait until eternity to smother her husband, Peter, with affection.

Peter, an NYPD sergeant assigned to the 62nd Precinct in Brooklyn, took his own life on Sept. 20, 2002. His wife and three children still endure grief mingled with regrets, loving memories, and confusion.

“But one day, when I see him in heaven, I’ll punch him in the nose first, and then I’ll hug and kiss him,” MaryAnn said.

Still, MaryAnn strives to make something good from her pain. She is the widows liaison for the Anchor Club, NYPD Branch No. 1 — a Knights of Columbus group focused on helping widows and children of officers who died. 

She helped organize the first-ever Mass in Brooklyn to honor officers like Peter who died of suicide. An estimated 200 people, many of them NYPD officers in uniform, attended the Sept. 28 Mass at Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Dyker Heights.

MaryAnn, who grew up in Dyker Heights, said her work with families of suicide victims is especially meaningful. She strives to be the comforter she wished she had 21 years ago when Peter’s stress and anxiety overwhelmed him.

She praised her husband’s fellow officers for standing by her family all these years, especially the Anchor Club members. 

Police chaplains Msgrs. Robert Romano and David Cassato came to her home the day Peter died to deliver the news. They’ve become lifelong family friends.

But there was no comfort from someone who knew firsthand the agony of losing a loved one to suicide. As years passed, she became that person for others.

“When I lost Peter, suicide was taboo,” MaryAnn said. “And in this neighborhood, bereavement groups were nice little Italian ladies whose husbands died of natural causes. But they didn’t understand where I was coming from.”

The names of officers lost to suicide appeared on a memorial sign displayed at the Mass. MaryAnn’s research shows 234 NYPD officers died of suicide since 1989.

Suicide is the No. 1 killer of police nationwide each year, according to the group, POPPA (Police Organization Providing Peer Assistance). This group is NYPD cops helping fellow officers, and retirees, to cope with personal or job-related stress. 

POPPA’s website shows data that since its creation in 1996 through 2021, the number of NYPD suicides dropped from an average of 7 suicides annually to fewer than 5 per year. The lowest was 2, but the most was 10 in 2019. 

Msgr. Cassato, who celebrated the Mass, later recalled how he was a brand-new NYPD chaplain when he joined Msgr. Romano to bring the Maginnis family the dreadful news.

“I’ll never forget that day,” Msgr. Cassato said. “It was one of the first times that I ever had to deal with the issue of suicide. You say, ‘Why? Why?’ And you don’t really get an answer.”

But attitudes toward suicide have also evolved since Peter’s death in 2002. 

Msgr. Cassato credited advancements in psychology that prove mental illness is just that — an illness, one that can be treated with counseling, medication, or both.

He said the Church agrees with these assessments, which is important, because Catholics have long believed that suicide is still the taking of a human life, and thus, a sin.

“People die of cancer,” Msgr. Cassato said. “And, well, people die of mental illness. Suicide is often caused by mental illness — a very strong mental illness.”

Therefore, Msgr. Cassato said during his Mass homily, the people who grieve suicide victims can be assurred that they’ll see their loved ones again — in eternity.

“They are in the hands of God,” he told the congregation. “Your loved ones are in heaven with Jesus.”

MaryAnn described how Peter, who grew up at Montauk on Long Island, brought joy into the world. He went out of his way to surprise her with tokens of love, flowers, and treats.

He doted on their children, now adults: son Thomas (T.J.), also an NYPD officer in the 62nd; son Johnny, who oversees construction projects; and Joanie-Lynn (Joly), who is studying to be a beautician.

MaryAnn’s eyes filled with tears describing Peter’s personality.

“This still happens, 21 years later,” she said. “He had a giant heart, and he was funny, always making somebody laugh. He loved his family. He loved my family. He was a good egg.”

Which, she said, makes losing him a tragedy that can’t be outrun, no matter how much time has passed. That’s a message people contemplating suicide need to think about, she said.

The Maginnis kids agree with their mom. T.J. was 6 when Peter died, and Johnny was 4.

Joly was an infant. Now, at age 22, she loves hearing stories about her father, because she has no memories of him. MaryAnn has built multiple photo albums with pictures of Peter, but even those have their limits.

“It’s kind of like a missing piece,” Joly said, tearfully. “Like every year, on  his birthday, I keep going to look for more pictures. But I kind of ran out. So that kind of sucks. I should use better words, but I don’t have any.”

T.J. has been on the job since 2021. He said after the Mass that he always thought his dad was like Captain America. He was shocked to learn that he committed suicide. 

Still, T.J. followed in Peter’s footsteps into the NYPD. He now considers him a “fallen hero.”

“We thought maybe he did something wrong,” T.J. said. “Unfortunately, he was sick. He fought a battle and he lost. I’ll always have to deal with that. But that’s why we do stuff like this — to show he’s still a winner in our hearts.”

MaryAnn urged everyone to watch out for each other. If a loved one or acquaintance struggles emotionally, say something to them, or their family, friends, or colleagues.  

And for those considering suicide she asked them to think about the pain to others their actions could bring after they’re gone; instead, get help.

“If you feel like something is wrong, get it out,” MaryAnn said. “You’re allowed to talk. Talk to anybody and get it out. And let’s hope there’s no more suicides.”