By Dr. Martha Reyes

Today, the world is being hit with a tsunami of non-stop bad news, shaking up every level of our past sense of security, and sending us all in a whirlwind of uncertainty and unparalleled fears.

Just last month, the economy was better than ever, the stock market’s numbers were through the roof, and businesses were reporting impressive gains and stability — a comfortable financial oasis for those living in America!

But suddenly, blindsiding us all, the paradigm has changed — a microscopic enemy like a virus morphed into astronomical global changes and harm. For many, what took three years or more to attain was gone in as little as three days.

Those that were already living month-to-month were asking, “How will I pay all my bills?” Now, for many, this month’s primary stressor is: “Will I live long enough to have to pay next month’s bills?”

How do we explain and digest the unexpected, the unpredictable, and genuinely, the un-
deserved? As adults, we have resources and plausible options. All the essential skills and means that we have acquired and utilized through maturity, experience, and enhanced understanding are now at our disposal.

We also have a reservoir of cognitive and emotional tools that we can access under challenging times: self-regulation, insightfulness, analytical thinking, empathy, resilience, and spirituality.

Children do not have all of that.

Their teddy bears do not speak back to them; their security blankets or pacifiers do not initiate the comforting. They are more dependent on others for their survival and care.

At their young age, they still do not master essential emotional resources. So, they just absorb without channeling or protective gear around their hearts and minds, inadvertently predisposing themselves to psychological maladjustment or mental illness.

According to the Child/Mind Institute, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the study of childhood trauma, 22% of children will suffer some type of mental disorder, depression, anxiety, and others, “more than the number of children who have cancer, diabetes, and AIDS combined.”

This is as scary or dangerous as seeing children exposed to real physical harm. Just as we protect them from such dangerous incidences, we should be committed to protecting them from emotional and psychological harm.

Our first step is to recognize the level of distress in the minds of our children. Let’s do a quick check: having nightmares, irritability, mood swings, anger issues, anxiety or unusual nervousness, defiance, inability to concentrate, hyperarousal, lethargy, overreaction to loud noises, urinating in bed, cutting, insomnia, obsessive behavioral patterns, over-eating, under-eating, functional impairment, attachment issues, crying for no apparent reason, obsessing with death, hypochondria.

The presence of one of these symptoms by itself will not characterize a disorder, but the combination of several of them might be suspicious.

Our second step is to help our children overcome the experiences and symptoms to usher them into wholeness and wellbeing.

Here are some ideas:

• Make them feel safe by assuring them that you will be engaged in protecting them always.
• Comfort them, hug them, talk to them in a calm and friendly manner.
• Encourage them to be open about their feelings through words or drawings that can help them express their real emotions.
• Listen to them without ridicule.
• Ask them for their ideas and praise their
  creativity, but with honesty and courage; help them understand when their judgment is misguided and must be corrected.
• Play with them, engage in educational and fun activities that will distract them.
• Assure them that there are many people working day and night to help us all because we are not alone.
• Talk about good news, progress, positive changes, help already provided.
• Give them HOPE.

During this Twilight Zone of strange events, adequate parenting and caregiving must be elevated a few notches. We need to detoxicate our surroundings from fear, sadness, excessive anxiety, negativity, fighting, catastrophic thinking patterns, and hyper-emotionality.

This is prime time for parents and caretakers to take ownership of the message and become the new professors in the University of Life. Homeschooling curriculums need to incorporate “Psychology 101” for navigating through the unknown and a new sense of appreciation for what is taken for granted. This is a unique opportunity to teach our children about:

• The importance of honoring the fragility of all human life, young and old.
• The importance of discipline, obedience, and collaboration.
• The importance of exhibiting gratitude to all those who are serving in our communities, in our government, hospitals, and spend sleepless nights trying to protect us.
• The importance of saving resources versus squandering or wasting.
• Understanding the futility of many of our human behaviors or destructive lifestyles that rob us of time, money, and health.
• The difference between precaution and paralyzing fear.
• The difference between social distancing versus apathy, rejection, or prejudice.
•  Learning how to find the “silver lining” in every trial or tragedy: taking inventory, not of losses, but lessons learned.

Every traumatic event will undoubtedly change us, for better or for worse. Suddenly, we recognize that we no longer live in autopilot. Now we must open our eyes and ears, activate all our resources and silenced gifts, and reconnect with every security network.

Every next step must be discerned, meditated, or prayed-through. The final result is to transform every threatening situation into a trusting outcome.

If our children learn these skills, they will have critical psychological tools needed throughout life. As conscientious parents let us make the most of this time in favor of their growth and maturity, and they will be survivors of this pandemic and many other trials in the future.

---

Dr. Martha Reyes is a Doctor of Clinical Psychology.