Back in the 1960s – the time in which the so-called “sexual revolution” was boldly proclaimed – a certain culture of newfound liberation was beginning to emerge, celebrating itself as a movement toward “free love.” Taking great liberties with the writings of some of the saints – such as Augustine (“Love and do as you please”) – and even at times with the Scriptures, it was soon considered “in” to experiment with non-traditional, less “restrictive” relationships. “Open marriage” – a euphemism for spouse-swapping – hippie communes, even a form of socializing among clergy and religious, sometimes termed “the third way” (but not very distinguishable from plain old dating), seemed to announce a new era of love without boundaries.
Most of these experiments did not turn out very well. Sooner or later, it would become clear that “love” without commitment, responsibility and permanence was not very satisfying because the human heart craves so much more. Today there are many reasons to question whether the “sexual revolution” really brought the freedom and happiness that many well-meaning, though naïve, persons at that time had hoped for.
The widespread availability of contraceptives – a key component of this revolution, while effective in preventing pregnancies – could do little to build the confidence of those who make use of them that their partner really loves them for who they are and not what they can put out. Something is being withheld in a relationship that becomes, on the one hand, very physically intimate, but treats the natural consequences of that union – the possibility, at least, of a new person – as an obstacle to be avoided rather than a gift to be welcomed. It is not really a love without limits, that is willing to spend itself no matter what the cost. In a way, it is even a contradiction of the greatest model of love that exists: the Blessed Trinity.
Who is God as our faith reveals to us? Three equal Persons totally revolving around each other, crazy-in-love for all eternity. The love of the Father for the Son is so total, so gracious that it generates yet another Person, the Holy Spirit, by and through each other Person. Is it mere accident that the one human relationship through which other human beings come to be is also a kind of trinity?
Love without limits – the love that is God and flows from God – is not stingy but generous in how much it will give, sacrifice and forgive. It is a great irony that what has been called “free love” is really a “love” that will not accept the cost of love. It does not want to be held accountable for anyone or anything but the fulfillment of its own desires. Rather than a covenant that unites and endures, it is more like a contract at-will that can be made or broken at the whim of either party.
This weekend, we begin the observance of National Marriage Week (Feb. 7-14). World Marriage Day is Sunday, Feb. 9, and Friday, Feb. 14, is St. Valentine’s Day, of course. It is as good a time as any to ask ourselves after whom or what we wish to model our love relationships.
At Baptism, we Christians received the seed of the God-life. Watered by a life of prayer, open to God’s grace, it can grow into a beautiful tree that produces much fruit. What better way to show our love for one another than to tend to each other’s bodies and souls like a gardener would tend to the plants and trees entrusted to her or his care. The real delight of a grower is not to ravish the garden’s fruits but to behold them and delight in them in all their glory.