BERGEN BEACH — Rachel and Patrick Contino, parishioners of St. Bernard of Clairvaux Church in Bergen Beach, are the parents of three children. This makes them something of a rarity in New York City — a couple that’s bucking the city’s population trend.
According to an analysis of census data by the Center for an Urban Future, the number of families with three or more children in the city has decreased 17% over the past decade.
The Continos — Patrick is a Customs and Border Protection officer, and Rachel is a former Catholic school teacher — aren’t surprised by the center’s findings: “It’s expensive to live in New York,” Rachel said.
“Take housing. We have a lot of homes in my neighborhood that are semi-attached, and they’re not very big. And because we live by the water, a lot of them do not have basements,” she explained. “So, your space is very limited, and you can’t afford to buy anything bigger. Therefore, you have fewer children.”
The median cost of a three-bedroom house in Brooklyn is difficult to gauge because the real estate market varies by neighborhood. Zillow, for example, lists three-bedroom homes ranging from $749,000 to $2 million.
In addition to housing costs, feeding a family is expensive, said Rachel, who typically spends $400 to $600 a week on groceries. She will often go out of her way and drive to Trader Joe’s rather than shop in her local supermarket to find less expensive food.
The Continos’ three children — daughter Adriana, a freshman at Fontbonne Hall Academy, and sons Anthony, a seventh grader at St. Bernard Catholic Academy, and Nicholas, a fourth grader at the same school — are past the age where a babysitter is needed.
SMALLER FAMILIES
In 1976, 63% of mothers aged 40-44 in the U.S. had given birth to 3 or more children. By 2016, that number dropped to 38%.
Source: Pew Research Center
But many parents struggle with paying for childcare, according to a report by city Comptroller Brad Lander, which concluded that the cost of childcare is “a major contributor to the affordability crisis in New York City.”
The average cost of a daycare center in 2024 was $26,000 a year — an increase of 43% from 2019, the study found. And the more kids a parent has, the more expensive it gets.
The comptroller’s report also found that the number of children aged three and under in New York declined by 19% between 2020 and 2023.
In the Diocese of Brooklyn, parishioners often discuss financial fears with their pastors.
“I hear about it all the time,” said Father Manuel de Jesus Rodriguez, pastor of Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Corona. “People are struggling about paying rent, about making ends meet. Lower middle-class families, if they have more than one child, are really having a lot of difficulty.”
Even families with one or two children find it hard.
Selvin Lopez, a parishioner of Our Lady of Sorrows, has two sons. One is an adult living on his own, while the other is a student at Cathedral Preparatory School and Seminary.
“Everything is so expensive — food, clothes, shoes, everything. You have to think it through before you buy anything. You have to ask, ‘Do we really need this?’ ”said Selvin, a carpenter. “It’s very hard for us as a family.”
Father Rodriguez said some families in his parish have given up on New York and moved away to Pennsylvania, Connecticut, or upstate New York. Remarkably, many families who have fled New York return to attend Mass at Our Lady of Sorrows on Sundays, he noted.
The Continos said they plan to stay put. However, living in New York and providing their three children with a Catholic education means making financial sacrifices.
“We choose to maybe not go on as many vacations or have some of the nicer things in life. And my husband works as much overtime as he can,” Rachel explained.
However, she believes sacrifices are worth it.
“Catholic education is very important to my husband and me,” she said. “We both went to Catholic schools. We want our kids to have the same foundation we had.”