by Dr. Mary Powell
I am a psychotherapist — a mental health professional — who went to an institute for training over 20 years ago. One of my classmates, who was known as the most brilliant student, was studying to be a minister. The institute was not just known for training in psychotherapy, but for spirituality, as well.
So, just about everybody I was training with was a minister. This student said that he felt receiving Communion was something that alleviated anxiety. I was struck. This was really interesting. So, I thought about it.
I imagined getting up during Mass and going up for Communion and receiving the Eucharist. “Yeah, that feels nice. That would take away anxiety for sure.”
Then I forgot all about it and never got to ask my classmate to explain further what he meant. But recently, as I was sitting in church, what my classmate said two decades ago came to mind.
I realized that the decrease in anxiety during Communion wasn’t just about going up and receiving the Eucharist. It wasn’t just about the ritual. I sat and thought about the fact that I have struggled in my own personal therapy, in which I have become very attached to therapists, particularly men, who care about me.
When we are in therapy, emotions come up toward the therapist. Sometimes, many emotions. Various emotions. If we have an attachment to a therapist, maybe we experience intense love or intense hatred toward them. This is not a bad thing. It can mean that once we feel loved and truly cared for, it is safe for old wounds to come up to be healed. That intense love or hatred is what therapists call “transference,” since we are transferring our wounds from the past onto them. And that is where the real therapy begins.
Whenever I would go through this experience in therapy, I noticed one benefit to this craziness was that the anxiety I experienced in my life would either decrease or go away for much of the time. The feelings toward my therapist were like a cover over the anxiety.
When I didn’t have these feelings for the therapist anymore, then that anxiety might come back up. This, too, was a good thing. It meant that I was ready to deal effectively with the anxieties of my life.
If we are in the transference, then as long as we are with a good therapist, who can “take it,” then we can throw all sorts of emotions at them, whether it is sadness, happiness, anger, love, or hate.
Sometimes we’re idealizing them, other times we’re devaluing them. For some of us, it is more intense and apparent than for others.
I sat in the church thinking about this, about my own therapist, and how I was currently in the transference place. My mind went to Jesus and how people had transference to him when he was on earth. A lot of people idealized him. When he came into Jerusalem and people put down palms for him, they were engaging in extreme idealization, which was more than fine.
But then he “disappointed” many of these same people who came to not understand his message, and in both impulsive and planned reactions, they put him to death. By doing this, they were engaging in extreme devaluation. The Pharisees and government were primarily involved,
but ordinary people took part in it. And Jesus “took” it.
He allowed himself to be crucified in every way. He was able to do it being the Son of God, but he was still a human being, and it hurt. Just like therapists are human beings, receiving transference can hurt. Not to equate a therapist with Jesus (I wouldn’t do that), but as a therapist, I have to “take” and tolerate people’s “stuff.” And my own therapist has to do the same thing with me. I’m still trying to figure out when my attachment to my therapist becomes healthy and when it becomes unhealthy. And also, when it happens with my patients, when they are idealizing or devaluing me.
I do know, though, for sure, that this whole experience of transference really does decrease anxiety, at least for me. My anxiety goes all the way down when I am transferring my emotions and issues onto the therapist. Anxiety is a soul-crushing state that more and more people are
reporting they have.
When we receive what we receive in the host during Communion, the priest is handing us someone who is saying, “Here you go. You can beat the heck out of me. I’m still going to love you.”
I was told during my training for the work I do with patients that “healing occurs in relationship.” In my experience, when we are held, literally or figuratively, anxiety goes away. We are given someone during Communion. Indeed, it is about the relationship. This is a strength of Christianity.
In Christianity, God gives us a perfect relationship, and we need it. We are social creatures. So, when we are lucky enough to have it in our lives, our terror, disdain for life, and anxiety disappear, if nothing else, for that moment. As the Bible points out, through his wounds we are healed. Perhaps that was what my classmate was talking about?
Regardless, that’s what I’m taking from it.
Dr. Mary Powell, PhD, LCSW, NCPsyA, is a psychotherapist and professor at Fordham University.