by Father Patrick Longalong

I remember meeting a friend for lunch one day, and he looked exhausted. Apparently, he had been up most of the night wallowing in anger and pain because of an incident that had taken place the day before.

He kept replaying the situation over and over in his mind, thinking of all the different ways he should have reacted to defend himself and imagining what the outcome might have been.

Each time he replayed it, he became even more frustrated and angry with the other person. By lunchtime the next day, the incident was already over, but in his mind and heart, it was still happening.

I understand that it is easy for us to tell someone, “Forgive and let it go.” In reality, forgiveness can be very difficult. Something awful may have been done to you. You may have been humiliated, betrayed, falsely accused, or deeply hurt, and naturally you desire justice.

The problem is that sometimes, while waiting for justice, we allow anger to take possession of us. Sirach describes this powerfully: “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.” Sometimes we do exactly that. We hug our anger tightly because somehow we feel that letting go of it means that what happened to us did not matter.

This is why Peter’s question to Jesus is so understandable: “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus responds, “Not seven times but seventy-seven times.” He is not giving Peter a number to keep track of. Jesus is teaching that forgiveness must become a way of life. Why? Because forgiveness is at the very heart of our relationship with God.

We are people who have received mercy, and therefore we are called to become people who show mercy.
But forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened. It does not mean that injustice should be ignored or that we should remain in harmful situations. Sometimes boundaries are necessary. Sometimes trust must be rebuilt slowly. Sometimes people must be held accountable for what they have done.

Forgiveness and justice are not opposites. Forgiveness means that even while seeking what is right and just, I refuse to allow anger, resentment, or the desire for revenge to control my heart.

The servant in today’s Gospel receives extraordinary mercy from his master but refuses to extend even a small portion of that mercy to another person.

His tragedy is not simply that he fails to forgive. He receives mercy without allowing that mercy to transform him. We can fall into the same trap. We ask God repeatedly to forgive our sins while keeping a careful record of what everyone else has done to us.

St. Paul reminds us, “None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself.” We belong to Christ.

Perhaps forgiveness begins by recognizing that we cannot always do it by ourselves. Sometimes the most sincere prayer we can offer is simply, “Lord, I am still angry. I am still hurt. I want justice. But please do not let this anger control me.”

Forgiveness may take time. The memory may remain, and justice may still need to be pursued.

But slowly, with God’s grace, we can stop replaying the hurt and allow God to free our hearts from carrying its weight.

Father Longalong is the pastor of St. Nicholas of Tolentine in Jamaica and coordinator of the Ministry to Filipino Immigrants.