CANARSIE — In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined the “five stages of grief” as “denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.” 

Later, other professionals added more stages, like “shock and numbness” and “disorganization and despair,” to name just a couple (see graphic). 

Therapists insist, however, that people who mourn the death of a loved one don’t necessarily experience these stages in the same order. Some may even bypass one or more of them. 

Therefore, Catholic Charities of Brooklyn and Queens offers bereavement services, but not as a “one-size-fits-all” program. Instead, people can get help on a one-to-one basis or in support-group settings. 

The program, now 23 years old, helps people who mourn, no matter their faiths or cultures. 

“It is a ministry of accompanying,” said Deacon Mauclair Simon, CCBQ’s bereavement coordinator. “Someone is walking with you.” 

About 80 people volunteer as support-group facilitators. The Diocese of Brooklyn has 23 of these teams serving 185 parishes. 

Deacon Simon, a retired public school teacher, is assigned to St. Jude Shrine Parish in Canarsie. 

Richard Slizeski is CCBQ’s senior vice president of Mission, which includes bereavement services. He said Deacon Simon speaks English, French, Creole, and Spanish. 

“He also is a licensed social worker,” Slizeski said. “His job is to deal with people and their needs in that moment and get them connected if they want to visit one of the parish support groups. 

“It’s very important to reach people, both on a personal level directly, but also connecting in parishes, and support.” 

The Church calls upon Catholics to comfort those who mourn (Isaiah 61:2). However, therapists believe helping people resolve grief can shield them from anger, violence, and sickness. 

Deacon Simon said members of the 23 bereavement support groups help people in other parishes. 

For example, a pastor might learn that a grieving family has someone who struggles with a recent death. The pastor can call Deacon Simon, who arranges with the family to meet with the grieving relative. 

As program coordinator, the deacon can make referrals for more counseling or treatments for issues made worse by grief, like addiction or sleep disorders. He can also help CCBQ clients make burial arrangements. 

Deacon Simon said that the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas always bring “a big increase” in calls for help. 

On Dec. 3, he hosted a workshop titled “Coping with the Loss of Your Loved One During the Holidays.” Again, participants came from throughout the diocese. 

The office schedules similar workshops a few times each year. 

Deacon Simon relies on facilitators to help carry the load. He conducts their training and is always looking for more. These people should have compassion, empathy, and the ability to listen intently to those who grieve. 

He noted that potential volunteers who experienced recent losses should wait before becoming facilitators. Slizeski agreed. 

“It’s hard (helping others) when you’re right in the middle of it,” Slizeski said. “When we talk about the stages of grief, people need time to work through them.” That can take at least a year, maybe more, he added. 

Deacon Simon said people interested in starting bereavement support groups in their parishes should check with their pastors first. Then, for him to schedule training, he must receive a request directly from the priests. 

For information, contact Deacon Simon at 718- 722-6214 or mauclair.simon@ccbq.org.