WINDSOR TERRACE — Sitting next to each other is an opportunity for Carmen and Fred Fulford to hold hands, and so they do — every chance they get.
They’ve been doing that for 43 years as a married couple, raising their son, Jason, doting on their granddaughter, and serving youth in the community and also the Church.
For many years, the Fulfords volunteered with the Christian Family Movement (CFM), facilitating retreats to help other couples enrich or, in some cases, salvage their marriages.
“We are interested in being involved in more things that are going to help marriages to grow,” Fred said. “But I tell the people, ‘If you think that Millie [which is what most people call Carmen] and I are here facilitating this retreat because our life together is perfect, I think we should all go home now.’ Because we have our ups and downs just like anyone else.”
Fred and Millie spent their childhoods in the 1960s and 1970s at the Gowanus Houses public housing development. Both attended nearby St. Agnes Parish in Carroll Gardens.
Millie’s parents were Hispanic Catholics from Puerto Rico; Fred’s were African American Baptists from South Carolina. But he became Catholic on his own at age 10 out of an early fascination with priests. He wanted to be one, and the only way to do that was to become Catholic.
Fred ultimately passed on the priesthood, but he kept the religion.
For nearly 30 years, he served as a catechist for youth while working full-time jobs in banking and, later, social work.
Millie became a teacher, but she retired a few years ago as a school principal for the Department of Education on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.
But the Fulfords didn’t start to notice each other until they were young adults. She recalled watching Fred play basketball on the courts below her window. He said that he didn’t know Millie was interested in him, but he surely had his eyes on her.
Her fascination grew upon learning Fred coached kids sports. He also wrote and directed a play performed by youth. “I was very intrigued that he worked with kids,” Millie said, “because I was going to school to be a teacher.”
Fred, who is eight years older, recalled the first time he asked Millie for a date. He invited her to play basketball, then dinner.
The Fulfords married in August 1980. Their son, Jason, was born a few years later.
Both described how their love made them oblivious to any issues involving their interracial marriage. Still, the union raised eyebrows among others.
“My mother got a lot of flack for that from the Spanish community,” Millie said. “That was really hard on her and I didn’t realize that until much later in my life. I was naive. But it didn’t matter to us. We loved each other and we supported each other.”
Fred said he chose not to be a vocal advocate of mixed marriages, but instead sought to set an example of how love joins races and cultures.
“I tried to show people that you could love anybody,” he said. “That doesn’t have to deal with who they know, what nationality they come from, or anything. You do it because you really feel it in your heart.”
Despite their love, the couple was not immune from tragedy. Millie said her parents and Fred’s parents all died in a span of five years. She also had a miscarriage when Jason was 11.
“That just really blew the roof off everything,” she said.
Fred described how Millie grieved, but he was focused on himself. Communication slipped, which led to a separation.
But after about six months, Fred, heartsick, asked his wife for another date. Again she said yes. Both said it was like going out for the first time all over again.
“We were like little kids,” Fred said.
“Yeah,” added Millie, smiling broadly. “I remember it like it was yesterday.”
The Fulfords resumed their youth ministries, and together they founded the Brooklyn Youth Association, a sports league that reinforces the importance of making good decisions in life.
A few years before retiring, Fred switched from banking to social work so that he could work directly with kids. It didn’t take them long to figure out he took a cut in pay.
“The kids asked, ‘Why are you here?’ ” Fred recalled. “I told them, ‘Because I care about you.’ ”
Now, some 30 years later, the Fulfords still work on improving communication, but their Catholic faith keeps them grounded. That’s the message they want to share with other couples.
But to do that, they must describe their experiences, which makes them relive the tragedies leading to their separation.
“It’s really hard to do, to prepare for these talks, and also to expose yourself to people you don’t know,” Millie said. “But we gained so much from doing that.”
