My dear brothers and sisters in the Lord,
The Final Report of the Extraordinary Synod of Bishops on the Family, which will serve as a preliminary document for next fall’s Synod on the Family, gives us much thought for consideration. I would like to focus my attention in this column on the proclamation on the Gospel of the Family.
The Gospel of the Family can only be proclaimed when we look upon Christ who initially gave the Good News of salvation to the world. The Divine Pedagogy was meant to bring the family, and especially marriage, to a higher and more perfect order recognizing the gradual preparation in God’s revelation regarding marriage and the family.
We begin in the Book of Genesis where it is proclaimed that God made male and female, “A man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife and the two become one flesh.” (Gn 2:24) Throughout the Old Testament, we see a gradual development in the understanding of family. In Jesus’ revelation, we recognize that He goes beyond the law of Moses which allowed divorce for certain reasons. In Christ’s teaching, marriage was brought to a new level where it truly cannot be dissolved for any reason.
St. John Paul II is credited with saying, “The way of the family is the way of the Church.” The communion of persons, which is the family, is defined by St. John Paul II and remains the basis of communion in the Church. We see that the family, the subject of the Synod, needs the greatest attention today, more than ever.
The key to the Synod’s understanding of marriage is the issue of its indissolubility and the joy of sharing life together. Simply stated, we are reminded that marriage is not a yoke imposed on people, but rather a gift to a husband and wife united in marriage. Fidelity is the aim of the teaching of the Church on indissolubility. The modern temptations for infidelity are numerous. Only when we understand the purpose of marriage can fidelity become more of a joy than a burden.
Instead of solely emphasizing the indissolubility of marriage, the Church recognizes the truth and the beauty of the family and the mercy necessary toward broken and fragile families. The ideal is not always achieved and it is necessary to treat with pastoral care those who, for one reason or another, have fallen short of the ideal. The pastoral solicitude of the Church must be evident in all matters of family life.
Last week, I outlined for you the activities of the Family Life and Pro-Life Offices of our Diocese. These activities cover a multitude of situations and we can all be proud that our Diocese offers the pastoral solicitude to those in difficult circumstances.
One of the suggestions of the Synod is a greater attention to marriage preparation. Last year, our diocese reintroduced a marriage preparation program called FOCCUS (Facilitate Open, Caring Communication, Understanding and Study) to assist engaged couples in understanding their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes it results in a decision to marry, or postpone the marriage until these differences can be worked out.
Today, there are many popular websites focused on matching couples. Unfortunately, there are no perfect matches.
The reality of engaged couples already living together needs to be addressed with pastoral solicitude. Some of our priests and deacons are being trained in FOCCUS, now much improved and computerized which allows engaged couples to know each other better in order to prepare themselves better for marriage.
It seems that the first five to seven years of marriage are the most difficult for married couples. The Diocesan School of Evangelization continues to develop and enhance already existing support programs for married couples in this age bracket. They can participate in special evening Masses specifically planned for young adults and offered throughout the year; attend Advent and Lenten Bible study programs and Theology on Tap programs that touch on topics of special interest to young married couples; join other married couples for Marriage Encounter weekends; meet in small family groups oriented to forming faith communities within the parish; and take advantage of opportunities offered by parish religious education programs that their children attend.
Additional programs and suggested resources will be made available and posted on our School of Evangelization website as we prepare for the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia with Pope Francis in September.
Another issue addressed by the Synod is the widespread practice of couples living together before marriage, which has now become almost universal. The problem with this type of convivence is that it does not really prepare couples for marriage. Although the popular reasoning is that “if we get to know one another better, we can make a better commitment or make no commitment at all.” Unfortunately, statistics show us that the divorce rate between couples who have lived together seems to be somewhat greater than those who have not done so. Again, unfortunately, couples living together seem to postpone making a commitment. Commitment is the essence of marriage. It is a commitment for lifelong partnership and fidelity. The sacramental nature of marriage truly is the total commitment that can only be made in the formal setting of a Church ceremony.
The Synod Fathers made a plea for the Church to learn the art of accompaniment, which means that we maintain a gradual and non-judgmental approach to assisting couples to learning the wisdom of Church teaching and practice. One example given was the gradual revelation of Jesus on the road to Emmaus to the two disciples who did not recognize who He was. Little-by-little, He explains the Scriptures to them and finally only in the breaking of the bread do they realize that it was the Lord. And so it is, many times with our married couples that they need catechesis, the Eucharist, and the Church to make their marriage commitment stable and, in fact, a source of happiness for them.
Also, some attention was given to the annulment process, which is not ecclesiastical divorce, but rather a declaration that a commitment to marriage or some other important factor was missing, and so, in fact, no real Christian marriage ever occurred. This is a rather difficult issue for most people to understand. It is meant to help people return to the sacraments and, in fact, begin a new valid marriage.
Our Diocesan Tribunal has made the annulment process as painless as possible. In fact, however, it is a painful process for many as the spouses must remember the difficult circumstances of their marriage which lead to its breakdown. Our Tribunal has been a model for many others because of its use of psychological evidence. It assists spouses seeking freedom to contract valid marriages. It is often the psychological inability of the individual to contract valid marriages that makes the marriage invalid.
The Synod also discussed admitting divorced and remarried couples to the sacraments. This remains an open and complicated question, and yet remains to be investigated and discussed in the upcoming Synod.
The Synod on the Family was an exercise in putting out into the deep. Nothing is more sacred than the bond between husband and wife which forms a family which is the foundation of society and the Church. Only with great wisdom and the help of the Holy Spirit can the Church assist couples in proclaiming the Gospel of the Family.