by Msgr. Joseph P. Calise

It is not always what you say but often how you say it that makes a difference. For example, a husband affectionately calling his wife “honey” is far different from a drunk adult in a restaurant addressing his teenage waitress with the same term. One is romantic, and the other is lecherous. Sometimes nicknames that would be considered offensive from strangers are actually affectionate between friends. This helps solve a difficulty in today’s Gospel.

Matthew begins this section of the Gospel by saying that Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. From the conversation that follows, it is clear that his apostles are with him. They have entered gentile territory, a place where he could be sure the Pharisees and devout Jews would not follow him. He wanted time with the apostles.

But even there, as in so many other places he visits, someone is waiting to ask for a favor. This time, however, it is not a Jew but a Canaanite woman, a member of a clan that was constantly at odds with Jews, who is petitioning for the healing of her daughter. When the apostles suggest that he simply send her away, Jesus affirms that he came first to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. She persists, and the problematic line is spoken. Jesus tells her, “It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.”

Not only does it appear that he will not help her, but he calls her a “dog.”

It is at this point that “how you say it” makes a difference. There is a big difference between calling someone a mongrel, an animal, and referring to them as a puppy. The Greek word Matthew quotes in Jesus’ comment is “kunaria” — an affectionate term for a house pet. In this sense, he is still affirming the primacy of the Jews in his mission but is not excluding her from his love. She understood completely. Her response makes it clear that she is not challenging that mission but rather suggesting that there is enough love in him to spare some for those outside of Israel; after all, even house pets eat the scraps from the family table. She is an outsider seeking to be part of his faithful. Her persistence wins him over. He recognizes the depth of her faith and grants her wish; her daughter is healed.

Of course, the healing of a sick girl is important, but so was the spiritual healing of a mother who felt like an outsider, showing by her persistence and faith that she longed to belong. The entire first reading from the Prophet Isaiah echoes this theme of a foreigner being welcomed to the house of the Lord. It concludes with the words, “My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.”

Paul, in today’s second reading from the Letter to the Romans, says, “I am speaking to you Gentiles. Inasmuch as I am the apostle to the Gentiles.” He goes so far as to say that he glories in this ministry in order to “make my race jealous.” He wants his race, the Jews, to learn to be open to those outside Judaism who want to lead a good life and follow Christ. God, he says, wants to have mercy on all.

How necessary it is for us to remember today. There are many who want the comfort of faith but feel outside the Church. There was a time when race and language caused that separation (I dare say that in some parts of our world they do today as well).

Today, divorced and remarried, transgender, and members of the LGBT community are only some of those who often feel unwelcome in the Church. I am not suggesting that Church teaching should be changed but that the hearts of the faithful need to reflect the love of Christ. He loved all, even those who were outsiders to his original community. Adherence to his teaching and example was more important than their state in life, but they could not learn that teaching or get that example if they were kept outside. The preeminent among those teachings is to love one another as I have loved you.

May those who feel outside the Church persevere in their love for Jesus. May he open the hearts and minds of the faithful to see not strangers and outsiders but friends we have yet to make.

Msgr. Joseph P. Calise is the pastor of Transfiguration-St. Stanislaus Kostka Parish in Maspeth.