by April Boone
After experiencing the death of a loved one, often shock and numbness take place. Life feels like a boat that has capsized – becoming unmoored and trapped in the fog of a storm. Sometimes the pain is informative and transformative – enhancing the griever’s outlook on life.
Typically however, it is a long and unpredictable journey to healing. The best way for caretakers, family members and friends to accompany this time is to simply provide a consoling silent presence. Many find it healing to venture into nature, finding a spot to connect to the natural healing essence and presence of wildlife, and wilderness.
Wounded Healers
It’s surprising that the American culture has a way of trying to diminish the conversations surrounding death. However, with the recent rise in the hospice/palliative care movements in health care and the media events surrounding recent traumas such as school shootings and superstorms, it seems that bereavement is becoming more acceptable. And it must. Grief is central to the human experience. We all will be touched by it in some form or another, and we need to be able to access the deep inner strength.
“Unresolved” grief will rear its head if it is not addressed. It will become evident in strange ways throughout a person’s life if the pain of the human drama of bereavement is not dealt with properly.
Often compromised by unarticulated grief, many in our society continue to spiral into a precarious spiritual drama, acting out in anger, violence and isolation.
Expressing sadness and grief are natural and healthy and, when permitted in a safe and non-judgmental environment, can bring about healing – lessening the waves of pain and helping individuals feel anchored and secure in accepting the loss as part of their lifestyle.
Anchoring
Coping with grief means having a compass that points toward the Transcendent. Grief need not be passive. It has a full potential for strengthening our interior life.
As Trappist monk Thomas Merton suggests: “Our real journey in life is interior. It is a matter of growth, deepening, and of an even greater surrender to the creative action of love and grace in our hearts. Never was it more necessary for us to respond.[hr] April Boone, MTh, BCC, is the new bereavement services coordinator for Catholic Charities of Brooklyn and Queens.